"It’s hard to tell whether one is winning or, in fact, losing once one starts to think of oneself as a commodity, or a product, or a character, or a voice for the downtrodden. It’s called losing perspective." - Roseanne, via Molls

This, in a way, is a big part of why it’s hard for me to make videos regularly. Other than my years teaching at the group home, the extremely modest success of Ill Doctrine is the most fulfilling experience I’ve ever had. Getting to share my little ideas with .00001% of the population never stops being awesome. But it has also taught me a lot about what making media requires of you, or more precisely: what making oneself into media, what sustaining oneself as a media product, requires of you.

The more steadily I keep at it, the harder it is to feel certain it’s a healthy activity. Sustaining that belief, keeping it on an even keel, requires such a firmly grounded sense of self, and rigorous self-awareness. On a good day I can trick myself into believing I have those qualities. But it’s hard to string those good days together without running out of tricks, and succumbing to that “why did I think I could do this?” Wile E Coyote moment.

So I guess, according to what I just typed out, the challenge of creative work is: how do you stay grounded enough to keep from noticing there’s no ground under your feet? Okay maybe I need to keep working on that one.

  1. sunshineandbones reblogged this from jsmooth995
  2. playthebside said: love this. keep YOU going.
  3. writeliwrongyou reblogged this from jsmooth995
  4. stupidoldishlikelettersandsodas reblogged this from jsmooth995
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  6. rmichaelthomas reblogged this from hashtagmoe and added:
    This is exactly what I am feeling and blogging, re: Tha Feedback. It’s feeling mighty unsustainable these days…
  7. sibbotery said: I think a little bit of careful introspection is what keeps your body of work so authentic, Jay. As an artist (though different form), I hear you. As someone who enjoys your work regularly, I say, “look inward…but don’t stop sharing your voice.”
  8. oreginalthoughts reblogged this from jsmooth995
  9. hashtagmoe reblogged this from jsmooth995
  10. tariqk reblogged this from jsmooth995 and added:
    Reblogged for the commentary.
  11. salome-rising reblogged this from jsmooth995
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